Going through a break up is one of the hardest things you can ever go through. Especially, when you weren't the partner that wanted to end things. Especially when you finally believed you found the one and it was ripped away from you without any viable explanation. Months pass and your heart starts healing. You get over the heart break, or at least push it aside and lock away the key.
Then he comes back. Fighting for your love and attention, and begging you to be his again.
It's ok, if you're not ready.
You were hurt. You still haven't forgiven him. You still haven't gotten over the fact that he broke your heart possibly more then once. It's ok that you are guarded because of the pain he caused. It's ok that you're not ready to start up again where you left off. You might not be ready because you're scared of being hurt again. You might not be ready because you don't trust him. You might not want to start up again because you're afraid that the comfort of your past relationship with each other might blind the reasons why it did not work out the first time.
You might not be ready because you just don't want to start up again, and you might want to see if there is something better out there. Someone who might treat you better. You might have enjoyed the time you were single. You might not want to lose the new friends you made. You might not want things to change and go back to the way they were before the break up, where you weren't as happy as you believed you were. You might be scared that his want for you is only because of the chase. His want for you is only because he doesn't have you. What if once he gets you, and has you as his, all the old habits start appearing again. What happens if you listen to your heart and not your brain and get your heart broken again. You might want and not want a lot of things, but in the end, it's ok.
You're not ready at this exact moment and that is ok.
You're not willing to wait.
Her heart was broken. I understand that yours might have been to. Things happened in the relationship that left you unhappy. You believed that at the moment of the break up you were doing the right thing. Months pass and you realize that you were wrong. You miss her and love her and want her back. You realize that you don't want anyone else. You realize you made a mistake and are willing to do whatever it takes. You fight for her. Say all the right things, and do the right things. Try to win her back and try to rekindle the love that you both have for each other.
But she is not ready and you're not willing to wait as long as she needs to.
I understand you have your reasons where you need to present her with an ultimatum. Either she's ready now or nothing at all. I understand that your heart needs to heal as well, and her not being yours is not helping the healing process. I understand her not being yours is driving you crazy. I understand that you believe you deserve better. That you deserve to be loved by the person you love. But you don't understand that just as easy it was for you to let go of her, it's not as easy for you to get her back. She's still hurt. She's still torn. She's still terrified. Instead of waiting for as long as she needs, and continue to fight for her love and your future together, you're walking away because you can't handle it. You're walking away (again) because things are getting tough, and you're not getting your way.
She loves you. She want's to be able to give you her whole self. She would love nothing more than to start where you both left on and continue in the journey of your future.
But she's not ready, and you're not willing to wait.