A hurricane is coming. Hurricane Mathew is a big one!! A category four hurricane is legit coming to South Florida. It's been over ten years since a hurricane has touched these parts. If you ask me it's been a long time coming. So you've collected and stashed all your essentials for a hurricane such as batteries, canned foods, and water... but are you honestly ready?
I am Cuban, and this is how us Cuban Floridians do it. Make sure you have everything on the list below and I promise everything will go smoothly.
1. Lots of Bebida and Alcohol! Yes. Lots. Stock up on beer. Mucho Heineken porfavor. Oh and rum and Whiskey. You also have to make the drink called Hurricane. How can you survive a hurricane without the actual drink? Get your rum, fruity juice, and grenadine and vuala. You can also use that rum and add a little coke for a delicious Cuba Libre. Mojito it up or even get a little classier and have a Havana Daiquiri. As long as you have ice, these should be easy to make, even in the middle of a Hurricane. Plus getting a little boozed out, will make riding the storm more tranquil. With the rain, the wind, the thunder and lighting, and now your yummy cuban drinks, it will make it feel like your in tropical paradise.... in the middle of hurricane season.
2. Wrap it Up. Before all the stores close and you're stuck like chuck, buy yourself condoms, and make sure you refill on the birth control. What do you think happens when the power goes out and you and your honey are bored with nothing to do. Hello!! Power outages are like the old days in Cuba, when all there really was to do was... that. You don't want to be in that statistic of the baby boom nine months later after the hurricane do you? Don't be silly, wrap your willy.
3. Shave your legs. I'm not kidding. Say you need some rescuing and a cute bombero or policia (firefighter / officer) comes to your rescue. You really want them to whisk you away and feel your hairiness? I didn't think so.
4. Have your Swim Suit Ready. A little Hurricane doesn't scare us. At least not enough to keep us cooped up and locked inside. You need to have your swim suit ready in case you want to go outside and have an aguasero party. Or you want to stroll along the shores of Miami Beach and watch the waves dance ferociously. (obviously make sure theres no thunder and lightning before being that stupid).
5. Order Pizza. Lots of Pizza. This is definitely a Yesenia Thing. Pizza usually has a 24 hour window before no longer tasting amazing and I can eat pizza hot or cold, for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Plus what else is better to eat while you're drunk as a skunk?
Did I miss anything?!
No, but on a serious note, a hurricane is no joke. Make sure you have enough water, non perishable foods, candles, flashlights, batteries, and cash. Charge those phones and any electronic stuff that is a must have like cellphones, and make sure you have your portable charges all charged up too. Fill those car tanks with gas, and also those Fuel Caddys. Bored up those windows and find a safe location to stay at. Just be prepared.
Now, did I honestly miss anything?